I want to preface this particular blog with a quick caveat, I actually have, nor suspect I will ever feel like a true Tel Avivi. First, and foremost I lack the natural ease and innate coolness. Sadly, I also don’t possess an enviable body, an electric bike (or even the ability to ride one), a dog (according to the boyfriend we are not ready and that’s the last he will hear on the topic thank you very much.) I also don’t particularly love going to the beach nor am I what could be described as a hardcore party-er, or frankly even mild-core.
However, having lived in this city for, nigh on, close to two years. I still believe I am pretty well placed to describe the very signs that show a true Tel Avivi.
1. Age
There is something rather peculiar about living in Tel Aviv, it skips out a few generations and leaves you with residents either ranging in their late twenties till late thirties or older citizens. Individuals who paid a couple of shekels for properties back when the State was only a few years old and are now sitting on an investment worth a few million shekels. And these people aren’t moving for no-one. It’s a fairly unique mix of young and old, which I can confirm because I can see into almost everyone’s window as I walk along the streets. And as a proud Mancunian Jew, with little respect for boundaries, you better believe I am having a nosey in.
2. Clothing
From young to old, in this city, people either choose to wear almost nothing at all, or most commonly, athleisure wear. Never, have I ever seen anything quite like it, but in Tel Aviv - it is not only socially acceptable, but frankly compulsory to wear sports leggings and a bralette whilst exploring the city. The yoga mat slung casually over a shoulder is not mandatory, but certainly adds to the authenticity of this look. And, of course, you must only wear your mask around your arm, just between the elbow and the hand.
Frankly, I do still find this to be an improvement on the Israeli fashion of old which seemed to consist, mainly, of platform sandals and extremely baggy trousers. A look that can still be found on the more remote of moshavim, where the French olim have yet to exert their cultural impact.
3. Sights and Smells
Sir, if you haven’t woken up to the sounds of cats making sweet angry love, that sounds like one of them is dying a rather slow, anguishing painful death then, hun, you haven’t lived for long enough in this city. The same is true of seeing the closest of calls between a Wolt cyclist and a car, that leaves you with a pounding heart. And, if you’re not a true Tel Avivi, a wonder why these people don’t wear helmets. Of course, if you’re a real resident you ride on korkinets and bikes care-free and helmet-less, just in case it should ruin your picture perfect hair. Other exclusively Tel Aviv sights include, but aren’t limited to: the Chabad Rabbi on rollerskates, the incongruity of teenagers and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Naturally, if you're a Tel Avivi my coffee haunt is far better than yours.
And, of course, if you haven’t walked past the most inconspicuous of buildings and smelt the deepest stench of weed then, my friend, you are just a mere tourist.
4. Attitude
Tel Avivians do not leave Tel Aviv. They just don’t, they spend their weekends eating brunch, going for walks and, nine times out of ten, to their local CrossFit gym, all in this small city. The only time Tel Avivians are really forced to leave is during the Chagim, when they will, sadly, make the pilgrimage back to their hometowns and eat an obligatory dinner with their parents. And so for one night only, Tel Aviv is a deserted, different place. Metaphorical cobwebs hang throughout the city. Thankfully, most chagim are only one night in Israel. Allowing exiles, so cruelly uprooted from the motherland, to quickly return to their one true home.
On a related, if slightly different note Tel Avivians hate Jerusalem. In their mind it's home only to Charedim and may as well wear a black hat and grow peyot. The epitome of everything wrong with this country, I dare you to say the word Jerusalem to a native. I double dare you, see what happens.
5. Flats
I'm not even sure where to begin to untangle the economic complexity of this particularly Tel Avivian phenomen. Basically, it's what happens when demand so far outstrips supply that not even one landlord has it in him to begin to give a fuck. Most apartments come fully unfurnished except for the mould stains, one disgraceful excuse for a couch and the never ending fear of roaches, moths and flies. And for this, for this, puddle of shit you are expected, nay demanded, to have guarantors willing to sign away their life's savings, to hand over cheques equivalent to first and last month's rent, with possibly a few extra months just for fun. And, an implicit, if unwritten understanding that short of the entire building caving in on itself don't even bother calling the landlord.
And the really sad truth - if you don't acquiesce to this outrageous, often illegal demands, you better believe some other sucker will.
I hope you enjoyed this blog!
If you did, I would love love if you followed me on Instagram where I offer lots of content on being an oleh in Israel, running my own business and simply being a woman in today’s world. I can’t promise that by following me the world will become a happier place, but you will certainly help a stranger to her new country feel a little more at home.