For the better part of close to a decade, I have networked three - four times a week. I have endured early morning, drawn-out breakfast meetings that saw me needing a nap by two in the afternoon. I have attended women’s only networking and been horrified at requests to dress up. I have even had the culture shock of popping along to a property evening networking only to find myself back in the eightees where the men were, mostly, drunk and the women, mostly, tottering around on heels higher than should adorn any persons feet. Ouch.
I even went to one networking event where a self-titled dominatrix ended up having an affair with a married man who was also a regular.
So you see I’ve really seen it all.
So for your edification, I thought I’d write a nice little summary of the individuals I’ve had the pleasure of meeting at networking.
The Oversharer
I have been to many a networking event and found myself stuck in a dark, damp corner speaking to someone. OK I’m not going to lie, it's always a woman, I’m sorry...who ends up telling me about her divorce, her kids, or some other factoid that should really only be shared in some form of circle where booze and clearly marked exits are involved. There are two main problems with the oversharer - the first being that whilst networking is absolutely about building a connection, the way to do that is not to thrust your life story in my face within the first few seconds of meeting me. Secondly, of course, I am never going to want to refer this woman business. Not ever. And, of course, once the oversharer has got her grips on you it’s mightily hard to escape her clutches. Especially because, at core, I am an utterly polite Brit who will nod and smile until her head falls off.
2. The Patroniser
When I first started my own business I was very young. And whilst lord knows I am no Gisele Bündchen the world of local networking does not normally attract fresh out of University graduates with blonde hair and a sincere smile.
So, I cannot tell you the number of times on introducing myself to Martin or Dave - names we will use here as euphemisms for men of a certain type (white and 40+) who would tell me what a ‘good girl’ I was for starting my own business. And how they had a daughter (occasionally granddaughter) who also did something in a field not utterly dissimilar to my own, before coming awfully close to patting me on the head. Not now, nor is it ever, OK.
3. The Overseller
If I have said it once I’ve said it a thousand times, networking is never ever about selling. It’s about building relationships that help people want to refer you business. And yet there is always one person at a networking event desperately thrusting their MLM product/coaching service in your face. They’ll overuse the pronoun, ‘I,’ have a desperate gleam in their slightly manic looking eye and talk at you for half an hour. This is the very worst form of networking and something I anxiously aim to eradicate at all my networking meetings. I will end this point the same way I started it - networking is never, not ever, about selling.
4. The ‘I’m not in it for the money’
I have to be honest this is a character I have yet to come across in Israel, but in England there was always some-one who steadfastly maintained they had arisen before the crack of dawn to eat a shitty breakfast under fluorescent lights because ‘they just loved it.’ Which is just a tremendous lot of rubbish. Let me tell you, anyone going to a networking meeting is in it for the money. Even I, who truly loves networking, am in it for the money. It’s what helps the world go round - so shall we cut the bullshit hun and keep it real.
5. The Wallflower
You will see them sometimes, dedicated introverts who, cruelly forced out of their shells, to attend networking events. It is clear not just to them, but to everyone involved but they would much rather be at home, snuggled up watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Frankly, it can be painful to watch.
I urge you, if you do self-identify as a wallflower, to arrive at the meeting early (I know it’s like totally not cool,) but it’s far less daunting to walk in a room of only a few people. I would also email the co-ordinator before and ask if she might introduce you to those of relevance. Finally, I would keep your expectations low - you are going for an hour and plan to speak to three people. Just make sure to follow up with every attendee after the event - networking is also done online. Music to the ears, I hope, of every wallflower up and down the countryside.
If you fancy following some more of my networking antics, capers and thoughts on Instagram please do feel free to follow me @networkwithhelena.